THE BEAUTY OF BOOBIES

So I LOVE LOVE LOVE breastfeeding and today, being the last day of World Breastfeeding Week 2012, I want to squeeze in a post about it.  I had wanted to do a whole series, but have been poorly with one thing and another and have not been feeling up to it.  I just couldn't let this week pass though without at least one post.

If you are a follower of my blog you will know from this post that I am a Peer Supporter for my local PCT and also that before I had A&D I wasn't remotely bothered about breastfeeding.  To be honest the thought of it grossed me out a bit.  Oh how times change though!

I ended up feeding A&D for 15 months.  I am not sure if you would call it self weaning, but basically they just weren't interested anymore.  I had been offering breast to them in the morning before breakfast and they had been taking it, but they hadn't initiated feeds themselves for a good while and one morning it was like they tag teamed me.  They ate some of their cereal before I offered them their feed and then neither of them were remotely interested in their breastfeed which broke my heart.  Obviously I rang my husband and cried about it and it was then that I decided that I wasn't going to offer because I couldn't deal with the upset of constant rejection, but I wasn't going to refuse either.  Well it breaks my heart to say that I wasn't given the opportunity to refuse them because neither of them ever sought booby again!  What upsets me more is that apart from a couple of photographs that my mother in law took when A&D were 4 days old I don't have any other photographs of me feeding them.  At the time I was mortified that she had those photos, but now I am so so thankful for it.

One of the things that I looked forward to most when I was pregnant with Teeny was to breastfeed him.  I missed it so much when A&D stopped and my body ached when I saw other mommies feeding their brand new teeny weeny babies.  I had also learned a lot in the intervening period through my peer support training about how to position and attach a baby and about the reasons behind why babies do some of the things they do when they are feeding.  I also felt more relaxed than I did with A&D, not just because I had done it before because after all Teeny was going to be a different baby with his own issues, but  because I knew where to go and who to ask if I did have any struggles.

A bit of me feels guilty for writing this, but when it comes to feeding (and most other things) Teeny has, on the whole, been a bit of a dream baby.  I am not bragging it is just a simple fact.  I did after all have my fair share of very long endless sleepless nights first time round so if you are struggling with a newborn you have my sympathy and I really do feel your pain.  I know everybody will have their own opinion on home births, but I am convinced that aside from being my second pregnancy/third baby, which obviously makes it easier, his calmness really has something to do with him being born at home into a calm and peaceful environment and into the place that he was to stay as opposed to being moved from a the bright lights of a delivery suite to the hustle and bustle of a post natal ward and then to the home where he was to stay.

Anyway I went off on a bit of a tangent then so back to the feeding.  We did have a feeding frenzy on Teeny's second night and I literally didn't sleep all night, but I felt much calmer about it.  The first time around I panicked that something was wrong and that I didn't have enough milk, but this time I knew that he was just stimulating my body to produce what he needed and a bad night for me was a really good night for him.  Instead of stressing with my husband I remember quite calmly saying to him that I was going downstairs so that he could sleep because at some point Teeny would go to sleep, probably with the dawn chorus, but at least then if he had slept he could get up with A&D and take them to pre-school and I could go to sleep with Teeny so that's what we did and it was fine.  This feeding frenzy did, however, bring to light the fact that I obviously hadn't had him positioned exactly right because I found that by morning I was very sore.  As I said before though I felt empowered by the fact that I knew where to go for help so I asked the infant feeding midwife who I work with to have a look at his positioning because I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong and it turned out that he just needed his bottom tucking in slightly so that his nose wasn't buried in my breast as much and that was pretty much it.  What a very different story to my struggles and trials and tribulations first time around!  Yes he has had his growth spurts and likes to cluster feed during the early evening and on occasions during the day, but to be honest because I know that it is all normal it doesn't really bother me and I just roll with it and because it is my second experience of breastfeeding I am pretty much happy to feed anywhere and everywhere (including walking through The Fort Shopping Park) so those growth spurts and cluster feeds do not really restrict me.

It hasn't been an easy ride, especially with A&D, but I feel so blessed to have been able to breastfeed my three children.  Words cannot describe what a beautiful experience it is for me and how much I will cherish those special moments with my children for years to come.  I am utterly dreading the day that Teeny weans as that will be the day that my own breastfeeding experience ends.  In fact I am welling up just thinking about it.  I do thankfully have some lovely photographs of his first feeds and I intend to take lots more as we go through our breastfeeding journey together.  I just really hope that journey is a long one...