**Warning! A bit of a woe is me ramble**
God I love my kids, but at the moment I feel like I'm making such a huge cock up of it all. I go through waves of feeling like I'm doing ok to feeling like a complete novice. I try so hard to take the firm, but fair approach; they aren't short of positive praise, but equally I will follow up on my warnings, however I am just struggling so much at the moment. They seem to be going through a phase where they just do not listen to a word I say and I spend my days saying the same things over and over again so that by the time my other half is home and it is time for me to go to work I've usually lost the plot and ended up having a shouting episode which I hate and then I cry and get so cross with myself because I have shouted at them and my poor husband doesn't know whether he's coming of going what with his grouchy and/or crying wife and crying kids.
I just feel like such a crap mom. I am home all day with them, but because I work at night I have to try to squeeze in all of my jobs with them under my feet before I go (of which I seem to get very little done) so I really don't feel like we get any quality time in or do enough nice stuff together. I'd love to sit and paint with them or make stuff with them, but I just don't know where to start or to be able to find the time and I just don't know where all my time goes. It's not like I have a show home or anything...far from it in fact.
I'm just not the mom (or wife in fact) that I wanted to be or ever thought I would be despite how hard I try and I don't know how to fix it. I wish I could either just do better or be content with who I am instead of feeling like this.
I feel like I need to write a whole lot more, but must be off to fix my face and sort the dinner before work.
Sorry for the self indulgence, but I suppose for me that is partly what this blog is for; to get things of my chest, but I don't expect anyone to actually read it so feel free to bypass this post and if you actually managed to get the end of my ramblings well done and thank you.
xx
Rach sending you much love. Being a mum is really hard work, and no matter how well you plan it, things never go to that plan!
ReplyDeleteYou are a fabulous mummy, dont forget that x i go through times when i feel like a crap mum too especially when i've been shouting at Caoimhe all day! But it's completely normal, you know, and A&D adore you x
Why don't you plan one day a week where you say balls to your jobs and just have a play date with the kids? Would that work?
Rach,
ReplyDeleteSending you a massive hug. It is nothing you have done. Quite frankly from what I saw yesterday your 2, particularly A, are being incredibly difficult at the moment and even though they don't know that you are tired/hormonal they will have picked up on something and then plug away at it to get a reaction. I say to myself quite often with Christopher "It's a phase, it will pass" and it normally does.
I had a 'mare of a time with Christopher when Emily was born and his refusal to potty train was the tip of the iceberg with him. What I found that worked with him, but he was younger than your 2 though, was to ignore the bad behaviour at times as he was simply doing it for attention and to be told off, and divert his attention to something else. By ignoring the bad behaviour and not giving him the reaction he was looking for, he slowly improved and more importantly I didn't feel like I was screaming at him all day long!
Once A & D are back in pre-school next week you will get a little bit of a break and personally I would try to use at least one of those mornings for some 'me time'. Sit and watch TV, read a magazine, come here for a coffee if you want. Emily normally sleeps for an hour mid morning and even if she is awake we can still have a proper chat and catch up without 3 noisy not so little any more people running around!
I meant what I said yesterday, it was lovely to see you and A & D. They are hard work, as are all 2/3 year olds but you do so much with them and always have done and trust me there is no way that I could do what you do in the day then go to work in the evenings.
Yvette xxxx
Thank you very lovely ladies for taking the time to comment. Have calmed down a bit now. If I am honest with myself it has all coincided with this pregnancy which also coincided with starting pre-school so the rational part of me says that it is probably all to do with that. Afterall that must be a lot for an almost 3 year old to have to cope with especially as they don't know about the baby just that mommy isn't herself. I didn't really want to tell them before my 20 week scan, but I do wonder whether we'd be better off telling them sooner rather than later. Hmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteAgain ladies Thank you, thank you, thank you xx
xx
Rach you have TWINS. Give yourself a break. I could have written your post, word-for-word, and I only have one. Honestly, you're amazing. There will be good days, and bad days. Every single time I see someone with twins, I am in utter awe. I don't know how people cope with more than one.
ReplyDeleteOnce I was in Tesco's with Jacob having a screaming tantrum on the floor because I wouldn't buy a bunch of flowers (yes, really). When I got to the checkout, almost in tears, the lady said "How old is he?", I answered "2 and a bit", and she said "Ahhh I thought so. I have twin boys the same age at home, I know just what it's like". And she put her hand on my arm and gave me such a kind smile, it just made me cry to know that someone who has it harder, still can empathise.
Anyway, yes. Twins and hormones. Great combo you've got going on there ;). Much love xxxx