NEW PROFILE

So I really should have updated my Blogger profile a long time ago given that our youngest son is nearly 3 and he is not even mentioned in it.  So it is done now, but I wanted to keep a note somewhere of how I saw myself when I first started this blog.

"This Woman's Work is, amongst other things, as a full time mommy to twins, part time twilight legal secretary and volunteer breastfeeding peer supporter. My greatest achievement is my family and for now I feel like I am doing ok at this wife and mommy lark, although my feelings on that do waiver from time to time. I dream of being a domestic goddess and of being able to take amazing photos, but both are a slow work in progress...let's see where I end up."

BITTERSWEET

Teeny's First Feed
Photo courtesy of Karen Pooler

 

Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy
Photograph courtesy of my lovely friend Julia

I remember it vividly, it was the summer of 2007 and 18 months before our twins arrived, talking about how I didn’t want to breastfeed any babies that we had; if I’m honest I was 25 and blinded by the sexualisation of women’s breasts in today’s society, but at the time I didn’t realise that.

 

So let’s fast forward three children later to now and I am pretty sure that our littlest has weaned so, with no plans to add any more children to our family, my journey as a breastfeeding mama is complete after having spent four of the last six years breastfeeding; our twins for 15 months and the littlest for 2 years 7½ months.

 

I am sat here trying to write down how I feel about the end of this journey and yet I don’t really know.  It is a whole mix of emotions.  Were somebody to ask me that question then of course my immediate answer would be sad.  Sad that this journey with Teeny is over, sad that a breastfeed no longer makes everything in his world better; I could have a list as long as my arm of why it makes me sad, but the most heart wrenching thing is that I will never ever breastfeed another baby ever again.  At this moment in time that thought makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomach.

 

However when I spend a little more time pondering on how this time in my life makes me feel there are a whole host of other emotions wrapped up with this sadness.  I don’t say this very often, but I am so proud at having exclusively breastfed all three of our children for as long as they’ve wanted.  They are two particular times that are very prominent in my memory and those are my belief in my instinct, my body and our daughter that despite a 12% weight loss at day five there was no need to bow to the pressure to top her up with formula and then there is my post two year wobble with Teeny when, for a while, I wasn’t even sure how I felt about our continuing journey because breastfeeding past infancy/ natural term breastfeeding are not without their own challenges. 

 

Then of course I feel completely blessed; blessed to have had straight forward births, no medical complications and the best support from my husband, our families and the overwhelming majority of midwives and health visitors who cared for us which made our breastfeeding journey possible.

 

I’m also full of excitement; excited to watch Teeny grow and to get to know the boy and man he is set to become.  We have so many more milestones to reach together and we are just at a cross roads at the moment, not a dead end.  

 

Then of course I am excited about the journey that having been a breastfeeding mama continues to take me on; I might be at the end of my own breastfeeding journey, but as a salaried and volunteer NHS breastfeeding peer supporter and vice chair of our local hospital’s MSLC I have the huge privilege of being able to support families at the start of their journey into breastfeeding and parenthood.   This is just the beginning of another journey for me and at the moment I am unsure of the destination, but I hope it will be as long and fulfilling as my own breastfeeding journey with many a twist and turn along the way and without being a breastfeeding mama I would never have taken this amazing path in life.

 

Finally and importantly I feel immense gratitude for my babies who were the catalyst for an amazing journey that continues despite those babies no longer being breastfed and of course I am grateful to everybody who has encouraged, supported, empowered, educated and reached out to me throughout this journey and even to those who have judged or criticised because those judgements and criticisms only serve to make me more determined to be the change.

 

 

FROM UNDER THE TABLE......

D - 365

......I watch you concentrate so hard on writing your letters.  Reading and writing does not come as easily to you as it does to your sister, but you are doing so well and you always try your best which is all anybody can ever ask of you.  Be so very proud of yourself my sweet boy because we certainly are.

PRECIOUS HOUR

A - 365

I am still struggling with you and D being at school.  I have to collect you both just after 3.00pm and we are normally in the house and sorted by 3.30pm which, on a Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, gives me an hour with you both before I have to dish up the dinner and then start working at 4.45pm.  I am desperately trying to make sure I have prepared dinner while you are at school and that I have something we can all do together for our precious hour.  Today I got out some phonics wipe clean books that we have and we all practiced letter formation while we talked about your day at school.  Oh how I miss the luxury of the time that we have had together for almost the last five years.  It is so heartwarming to see how you submerse yourselves in school and how you are forming such lovely friendships, but there is a tiny bit of me that constantly feels anxious and possibly even uncomfortable about school and wishes I was confident enough to consider other approaches to education like homeschooling and unschooling.  I know that as parents we are all supposed to know what is best for our children, but I'm afraid that I honestly sometimes really don't...... 

RACE FOR LIFE

D - 365

Here you are with your sister cheering on your Auntie Clare and Auntie Dana (and all of the other ladies) who were running Race for Life today.  It was a really lovely opportunity to talk to you both about charity and what a special thing helping others is to do.  We also talked about how lucky we are to have our health, a roof over our head, food on our tables and each other.  Life is so precious and fragile my darling, never take it for granted.

BREASTFEEDING AWARENESS WEEK 2013 - DAY ONE

So today and for the rest of the week, in honour of Breastfeeding Awareness Week which seems to be being celebrated at varying times throughout the month of June, I will be posting a breastfeeding photo per day.

So here is today's...

 

This is one of only two photographs I think I have of me feeding A&D and I think I may have posted it elsewhere on this blog at some point.  My mother in law took both of the photographs I have when A&D were just four days old (I think!) and at the time I hated them because breastfeeding and being a mommy was very new to me and I was oh so very aware of being completely exposed. 

 

How times change, now I am eternally grateful for those two very precious photographs.  I will get my boobs out anywhere (for a baby who needs feeding) and couldn't care less what people think.  Oh how I wish I knew then what I know now.

EASTER TREAT (1)

A - 90/36

I wonder how many people read this post about you having a DVD as your Easter treat and secretly (or not so secretly) thought I was really tight.  Well we're not particularly religious and I can't stand how commercial and competitive all of these holidays have become so I am just not one of those parents who will ever go out and buy you ridiculous numbers of chocolate eggs.  Sorry baby, best that you know this now.

 

I had already bought you a Thorntons chocolate animal each though when I asked you to choose between a DVD and Easter chocolates on Friday, but I thought it was a good lesson for you to learn about not getting everything you want and also I wanted to use the 99p Easter Egg Hunt kit that I bought from The Works months ago as a way for you to each get your chocolate animal.  Seriously it was the best 99p I ever spent; it had masks, crayons, cardboard eggs, direction signs and cardboard baskets and thankfully you really enjoyed the activity as much as getting the actual prize at the end.

HOW GROWN UP OF YOU

A - 88/365

This morning I rang the leisure centre and asked what time the swimming pool closed today.  The lady on the other end told me 5.00pm so we waited for Daddy to come home and then went to the pool; we arrived at 3.30pm only to be told that the pool was closing at 4.00pm resulting in me having two very upset children on my hands.  We agreed that we would go swimming tomorrow instead and went to Asda to get pizza for tea as planned.  We were looking at the cheap and cheerful DVDs to cheer you up while we were in there when we spotted that the Disney ones were on special.  I explained that you could either have a cheep and cheerful DVD today and some Easter treats on Sunday or just the Disney DVD of your choice.  You happily chose the Mary Poppins DVD and said that it was ok not to have Easter treats.  I was very proud of how understanding and grown up you and your brother were about this and how extremely grateful you were for your treat.  I just cannot believe how fast you are both growing up and what lovely people you are blossoming into.