THE BEAUTY OF BOOBIES

So I LOVE LOVE LOVE breastfeeding and today, being the last day of World Breastfeeding Week 2012, I want to squeeze in a post about it.  I had wanted to do a whole series, but have been poorly with one thing and another and have not been feeling up to it.  I just couldn't let this week pass though without at least one post.

If you are a follower of my blog you will know from this post that I am a Peer Supporter for my local PCT and also that before I had A&D I wasn't remotely bothered about breastfeeding.  To be honest the thought of it grossed me out a bit.  Oh how times change though!

I ended up feeding A&D for 15 months.  I am not sure if you would call it self weaning, but basically they just weren't interested anymore.  I had been offering breast to them in the morning before breakfast and they had been taking it, but they hadn't initiated feeds themselves for a good while and one morning it was like they tag teamed me.  They ate some of their cereal before I offered them their feed and then neither of them were remotely interested in their breastfeed which broke my heart.  Obviously I rang my husband and cried about it and it was then that I decided that I wasn't going to offer because I couldn't deal with the upset of constant rejection, but I wasn't going to refuse either.  Well it breaks my heart to say that I wasn't given the opportunity to refuse them because neither of them ever sought booby again!  What upsets me more is that apart from a couple of photographs that my mother in law took when A&D were 4 days old I don't have any other photographs of me feeding them.  At the time I was mortified that she had those photos, but now I am so so thankful for it.

One of the things that I looked forward to most when I was pregnant with Teeny was to breastfeed him.  I missed it so much when A&D stopped and my body ached when I saw other mommies feeding their brand new teeny weeny babies.  I had also learned a lot in the intervening period through my peer support training about how to position and attach a baby and about the reasons behind why babies do some of the things they do when they are feeding.  I also felt more relaxed than I did with A&D, not just because I had done it before because after all Teeny was going to be a different baby with his own issues, but  because I knew where to go and who to ask if I did have any struggles.

A bit of me feels guilty for writing this, but when it comes to feeding (and most other things) Teeny has, on the whole, been a bit of a dream baby.  I am not bragging it is just a simple fact.  I did after all have my fair share of very long endless sleepless nights first time round so if you are struggling with a newborn you have my sympathy and I really do feel your pain.  I know everybody will have their own opinion on home births, but I am convinced that aside from being my second pregnancy/third baby, which obviously makes it easier, his calmness really has something to do with him being born at home into a calm and peaceful environment and into the place that he was to stay as opposed to being moved from a the bright lights of a delivery suite to the hustle and bustle of a post natal ward and then to the home where he was to stay.

Anyway I went off on a bit of a tangent then so back to the feeding.  We did have a feeding frenzy on Teeny's second night and I literally didn't sleep all night, but I felt much calmer about it.  The first time around I panicked that something was wrong and that I didn't have enough milk, but this time I knew that he was just stimulating my body to produce what he needed and a bad night for me was a really good night for him.  Instead of stressing with my husband I remember quite calmly saying to him that I was going downstairs so that he could sleep because at some point Teeny would go to sleep, probably with the dawn chorus, but at least then if he had slept he could get up with A&D and take them to pre-school and I could go to sleep with Teeny so that's what we did and it was fine.  This feeding frenzy did, however, bring to light the fact that I obviously hadn't had him positioned exactly right because I found that by morning I was very sore.  As I said before though I felt empowered by the fact that I knew where to go for help so I asked the infant feeding midwife who I work with to have a look at his positioning because I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong and it turned out that he just needed his bottom tucking in slightly so that his nose wasn't buried in my breast as much and that was pretty much it.  What a very different story to my struggles and trials and tribulations first time around!  Yes he has had his growth spurts and likes to cluster feed during the early evening and on occasions during the day, but to be honest because I know that it is all normal it doesn't really bother me and I just roll with it and because it is my second experience of breastfeeding I am pretty much happy to feed anywhere and everywhere (including walking through The Fort Shopping Park) so those growth spurts and cluster feeds do not really restrict me.

It hasn't been an easy ride, especially with A&D, but I feel so blessed to have been able to breastfeed my three children.  Words cannot describe what a beautiful experience it is for me and how much I will cherish those special moments with my children for years to come.  I am utterly dreading the day that Teeny weans as that will be the day that my own breastfeeding experience ends.  In fact I am welling up just thinking about it.  I do thankfully have some lovely photographs of his first feeds and I intend to take lots more as we go through our breastfeeding journey together.  I just really hope that journey is a long one...

MAMA SAYS A LADY AINT WHAT SHE WEARS BUT WHAT SHE KNOWS

I have PCOS and I worry a lot about whether A will inherit it from me and what to do if she does.  I have never coped well with it's effect on my appearance and I never want A (or either of my boys) to feel that low about themselves.  I want them to feel comfortable in their own skin and never feel the need to conform, but how do you empower when you don't feel empowered?  How do you teach them to feel comfortable in their skin without teaching them how to conform?  We all know that we should lead by example, but I am not a great example of somebody who doesn't feel the need to conform. 

So yesterday we were pottering in the garden listening to some music and I try to be quite selective about what I put on when little ears are around because they like to sing along and pick up the words very quickly.  So anyway I found a track on my MP3 from way back when and in today's (well I say today, but the song is about 12 years old) celebrity driven society it is a breath of fresh air.  India Arie has, quite by accident, provided me with an anthem for teaching my daughter how to be comfortable in her own skin.  She rocks!

So go on my baby girl.  Be a queen!

FUN IN THE SUN...

 ...okay so it's the shade really given that Teeny was in there with them.

I JUST WANT TO PRESS PAUSE

So yesterday A&D finished pre-school and will be going to the school nursery in September ready for school the following year.  It only seems like five minutes ago that I was writing this post yet here we are; they have done a whole school year, grown and developed in an indescribable way and made some lovely friends in the process.  However despite all this I feel a little bit sad and I just want to press the pause button; their life is passing by far too quickly.  A had got to the stage where she was running into pre-school and most mornings forgetting to even kiss me and in typical boy fashion D will let me kiss him and then wipe it off!  It was not so long ago that I could cuddle up with them for hours if I wanted to and now 10 minutes is my lot!  Oh how I wish I could go back to when they were tiny and enjoy them as babies instead of stressing so much about everything and feeling like I had something to prove.

A&D's pre-school presentation after their
olympic themed leavers party

Then there is Teeny's too.  I cannot believe that he will be 13 weeks old tomorrow.  Where did that go?  I have already had to force myself to take the wedge out of Teeny's car seat last week because he was so squashed up in it, but I was am so desperate to keep him small I hadn't been able to take it out.  I feel so sad that already he needs me less.  I know most people yearn for their baby to sleep  through the night and I am pretty sure I did with A&D (it was a very difference experience with them though), but I feel a little sad that, apart from the odd occasion, Teeny does not need to nurse during the night anymore.  It was our one time to have a sneaky little cuddle; for me to smell him and be in awe of the lovely little life before me without anybody to disturb us and now that is over far too quickly  Where has my teeny tiny squidgy baby gone?

Not So Squidgy

Maybe I am feeling it more because I know Teeny is very likely to be my last baby.  I don't think I will ever be one of those women who says they never want another baby, but at some point reality has to kick in.  I am not very materialistic, but I do not want us to struggle financially as they grow up and we are really not that well off now so as much as I would love to have more I think we would really struggle if we did.  I also want to have a new career vocation once they are all at school; I feel very blessed that we have a situation that works for us in that we both work and get to spend a great amount of time with our children, but the job that I will go back to after my maternity leave is the means to an end for us, you know a stopgap and not something I want to do for the rest of my life.  I want to do something meaningful that I am passionate about and for my children to see that passion in me.  I never want them to think that they have to settle.

I peruse so many "mommy blogs" which are beautiful and filled with love and endless hours of mommies doing so many wonderful things with their children and I really yearn for that kind of lifestyle because I don't want to have regrets about what I missed out on when my children were growing up, but I have no idea how to make that a reality.  I am by no means any kind of super housewife and I certainly don't live in a show home (if only), but a lot of the time life just takes over and I am desperate to relax and make more special time with the wonderful children I have and cherish them in every way possible.

I just want to press pause to keep them still and small and just hold them and never let them go, but even if it were possible it would be selfish.  I know that what I actually have to do is nurture them and encourage their independence so that when it is time their wings will open and they won't be afraid to fly.

I'm off now for a little cry...

"The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence."  DENIS WAITLEY

FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE - ROUND 1

Ok so I have mentioned before that I have an infinite number of partially written posts that I am desperate to finish and publish (in chronological order for the sake of the children when they come to read it when  they are older and for my sake when I look back), but despite my desire to I am really struggling to find the time to blog at all lately.

Anyway here are a couple of posts I have finally managed to remove from my "draft" list.

Teeny's First Bath

Teeny Is All Official

TREASURES FROM INDIA

The most special treasure we received from India today was in the form of a vist from my lovely sister in law, Karen, who has just got back from a five week business trip there.

I have to say that I have missed her a lot.  It isn't as if I see her every day or anything like that, but we do see each other regularly and I think that the knowledge that she wasn't a five minute drive away was enough to make me miss her.  That trip also meant that we were not able to celebrate each other's birthdays together which made me miss her even more; oh that and the fact that she photographed Teeny's birth for me and he was only four weeks when she left and he is now nine weeks was a bit emotional for me too.

Karen brought with her some treasures for my tiddlers.  These were in the form of 24 lovely purple and gold sparkley and jangley bangles for A (I know there are 24 because madam made a point of sitting and counting them).  These are perfect for her as she is VERY into her jewellery at the moment; this is definitely nature not nurture because I have to say that unless I am going out I am not really a very girly girl whereas from an early age my daughter has been like a magpie when it comes to sparkly things.  In fact one of her first words was pretty.

D received a little green elephant statue which he loved and took straight to put on the window ledge in his room.  D you see loves anything and everything green and Karen knows this so this was a very well thought out gift for him.

Teeny, however, got something extra special; not because he is more special to her than A&D I might add, but because this is his welcome to the world present from her.  He was so lucky  to receive two beautiful bangles that I absolutely love.  They are gorgeous and unique, but the thing that makes me love them the most is because he hasn't had any other keepsake type gifts so this makes them an extra special gift from an extra special person.



Treasures

MOMMY CAN I HOLD HIM?



Blessings

These three are as blessed to have each other as we are to have them.

COUSINS

D, Teeny, A and their adorable cousin Sophie who they always have so much fun with!

SLEEPY BOYS

I am still playing catch up with my blog as I have umpteen posts I want to write and there just aren't enough hours in the day; I think I might have to admit defeat at some point.

Anyway, in the meantime here is a lovely moment from today.

Teeny & D all snuggled up having a cheeky afternoon nap

JUBILEE CELEBRATIONS

As you will know if you have read my last post our Jubilee weekend was spent in hospital so we didn't really get to enjoy the festivities.  As a result of the hospital trip this post is quite late, but I had always been planning to blog about it so here it is.

In the lead up  to the Jubilee I had been explaining to A&D the reason for the Jubilee and why there were lots of celebrations.  On the last Friday of half term (1 June) A&D had a party at pre-school to celebrate the Jubilee and they (and all of the other children at pre-school) had an absolute ball.  As you can see I had to send them dressed in red, white and blue; they had their faces painted at pre-school and they had made their crowns at pre-school on one of the days leading up to the party.  I was also asked to send them in with a packed lunch so  that they could have a picnic.  I have it on good authority from them that they also had a bouncy castle, a puppet show and coloured in jubilee themed pictures. 

Oh and A also told me that "Fiona matched; she had nail varnish and blue eyeshadow."  Fiona is the pre-school manager and A's key worker and is always very colour co-ordinated which, in typical girl fashion, A always takes note of.

They were sent home with a red, white or blue balloon and the cakes in the picture which had been made by one of the mommies from pre-school and they looked fabulous although I can't comment as to how they tasted as I didn't manage to get near one before they disappeared.  We did have a little bit of a drama with the balloons as A's red one burst on the way out so in her typical drama queen style (I love you my darling, but you really can be quite dramatic at times, so much so that I can see you being an actress when you grow up...ha ha!) she cried on and off for about half an hour despite the fact that she was given a white one to replace it!

On  the way home though I did feel a little bit sad.  They always have lots of fun at pre-school with their friends, but especially so on this day and I started to think about how much they are going to miss it when they finish in July and how they have to start all over again at nursery next year without all of the lovely friends they have made.  They have grown so much as people since they started pre-school in September and are looking forward to nursery, but I don't think they, or many of their friends who all seem to be going to different nurseries/ schools, have quite grasped the fact that it replaces pre-school and that they won't be going there anymore. 

I know that they will be fine and will make new friends at nursery as well as staying in touch with some of their friends at pre-school, but it still makes me feel a little sad.  I am also a a little bit excited though to see what nursery has in store for them.

A SIGH OF RELIEF

Well I did have a few posts planned, namely about new fluff (cloth nappies) and A&D's jubilee party at pre-school, but they are going to take a back seat for the time being to allow me to process last weekend's events.

Teeny gave us a bit of a fright last Friday (1st June) and ended up being admitted to Birmingham Children's Hospital on that evening for three days and nights.  I had taken him to the GP as he had a temperature and was just generally not himself which seems weird to say about a five week old, but he is normally such a chilled out baby and on Friday afternoon he kept crying out like he was in pain and it was heartbreaking.  The GP wasted no time in sending us up to ED at The Children's and within two hours of us arriving he had had all of his obs done, a urine sample and blood samples had been taken and he had had a lumbar puncture; he had also had his first lot of IV antibiotics administered and we would have been admitted to PAU by then too had it to not been for an emergency. 

Now I know that there are so many families with children much more poorly that have to deal with so much more than we had to so this will sound a bit OTT, but I have to admit that when they were taking those bloods and he was crying his little heart out and then when I was waiting for him to have his lumbar puncture done there were a few moments when I wondered if I would actually get to take him home and I started to think about the fact that I didn't have enough photographs of him and about the people who haven't got to meet him yet. 

For the first 48 hours following his admission I couldn't put Teeny down; every time I tried he screamed and screamed and it broke my heart. I am his mommy and I should be able to fix everything, but I was so powerless!  This was then compounded by the fact that I didn't see A&D for a whole 48 hours either; the longest I have EVER been away from them and the guilt I felt about that was immense.  They love Teeny so much and wouldn't be without him now; he is the first person they look for when they wake up, but despite that I remember feeling almost selfish for choosing to have another child and turning their worlds upside down.  If you ask them though they will actually tell you that they had a ball as they got to spend a few hours with Nanny on the Saturday and Monday and they went to have dinner with my sister and play with their big cousins on the Sunday so I needn't feel guilty, but I am their mommy and so of course I do. 

To our relief all of the initial tests were rushed through and came back fine that evening (other than the blood culture which takes 48 hours) so they were followed by a chest x-ray on Saturday and on Sunday he had some more bloods taken to check his CRP and he was seen by a surgical registrar to check his "boy bits" as they did wonder whether they had got twisted as they descended, but thankfully the x-ray, all of the bloods and the surgical registrar's examination came back fine too.

It took a good 36 hours to keep his temperature down despite being pumped full of "Domestos for kids" as the lovely consultant labelled it (I am not being sarcastic here by the way, he really was a lovely man), but by Sunday night he seemed to have perked up a little and even managed to spend half of the night in the cot and not attached to me which was huge progress.  His improvement continued and to my relief he was discharged on Monday afternoon, although we still have no idea what caused it.  D had had some kind of virus for a couple of days earlier in that week so I am assuming that he caught that, but because he is so small he was unable to fight it off like D.  Before he was discharged though they took another urine sample as there was a question mark over something that had shown up in it and they wanted to check again for a UTI and he was discharged with oral antibiotics just as a precaution, although I have had no phone call from the hospital which should mean that was negative too.

This was one of the worst experiences of my life, but I should finish this post on a thankful note.  I brought home from hospital a healthy baby who will have no memory of this experience.  I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like for parents of children who spend time in and out of hospital on a regular basis or for the child themselves and then of course there are those parents who go in with a child so poorly that they do not get to bring them home and just thinking about that makes my heart absolutely break for them.  I am in awe of the bravery of those people.

Nobody ever wants to be in hospital, but I am also extremely thankful for the wonderful care we received at The Children's.  A was treated for pneumonia in a different hospital when she was one and it was a really horrible experience, sadly I just didn't trust them.  The care that we received at The Children's just couldn't have been more different.  I say we because, although it was Teeny who was poorly, they took wonderful care of me too.  As I mentioned earlier they acted extremely quickly in ED.  On top of that PAU is a fabulous brand new ward with private rooms and lovely calm lighting so even if they are rushed off their feet it doesn't feel like that.  The continuity of care was great; at the beginning of every shift the children are allocated a specific nurse and for that whole shift only that nurse took Teeny's obs or administered his antibiotics.  Oh and despite it being a bank holiday weekend the Consultant Paediatrician (and Clinical Director) whose care Teeny was under was on the ward everyday we were there.  As far as caring for me was concerned they were always offering me tea and coffee and topping up my jug of squash and as I am breastfeeding they always made sure that I had eaten too, even to the extent that at one point a nurse actually physically made me a sarnie...bless her!  They also provided tissues and a shoulder for the tears and when Teeny was really unsettled they would pop their head around the door for nothing other than just to check if either of us needed anything or if I needed a break.  I doubt that anybody we encountered in that hospital would ever read this, but if you do manage to stumble across this blog post please know that I am eternally grateful to you.

Finally to my wonderful husband for being the other half of me and completing me.  Thank you for the numerous trips you made to the hospital; for running errands; for keeping things ticking over at home and for taking such wonderful care of A&D.  As I say to the kids "I love you to the moon and back."

BABYWEARING NEWBIE

One of the things I had always wanted to do when I had a baby was to babywear so when I found out I was carrying twins first time around I was quite gutted about having to abandon the idea.  I am sure seasoned babywearers will tell me it is possible, but at the time I didn't have a clue where to start and I just wouldn't have been confident enough.

This time around I knew from the outset that it was something that I really wanted to do.  My go to on this subject has therefore been this post of Beth's and the Natural Mamas Forum.  Natural Mamas is a fabulous resource for babywearing and all things attachment parenting so I got some really useful information from some in the know mamas.  I also found out that there are a couple of local sling meets so am hoping to get along to one soon, although I feel like a bit of a fraud as I really am a babywearing virgin.

For those of you in the know you will see that we have started with a stretchy, specifically a Moby in our case, which I bought pre-loved from a mama at Natural Mamas and I plan to move on to a woven when Teeny is bigger and I feel a bit more accomplished in the babywearing stakes. 

Whilst I am very new to babywearing I do have to say that I absolutely love wearing Teeny and it feels very natural to me.  I am trying to do it whenever I can so that I become more confident about it, not to mention that it makes walking with two three year olds or just popping into the shop for something much easier than having to think about a pushchair. 

My husband made all of the right noises about babywearing whilst I was pregnant, although I have to say I wasn't all that convinced that he would give it a go once Teeny arrived.  I must now hold my hands up and say that I was very wrong.  No sooner had I worn Teeny on his first babywearing adventure to have him registered than my husband that very same afternoon insisted on wearing Teeny for his very first trip around Ikea!

I really hope that our love for babywearing continues and that this is just the start of the journey.  My only real concern at this stage is that the purchasing of babywearing paraphernalia could, like the purchasing of cloth nappy paraphernalia, become quite addictive if I allow it to so I imagine that I will have to exercise some willpower and reign myself in at times!

TEENY IS ALL OFFICIAL

So today we went to register Teeny while A&D were at preschool and he is now all official.

We had to make an appointment to register Teeny (which we didn't need to do with A&D) and this meant that we were in and out pretty quickly and had an hour or so to kill before having to head back to pick up A&D from pre-school.  Being the party animals that we are we decided to go for hot chocolate and a cake at Carluccio's (purely because it was the nearest place we could think of) which was lovely as we don't get an hour out on our own very often (ok so I know we weren't strictly on our own, but Teeny slept so it felt like we were).  However what was even more lovely was that because we had mentioned that we had been to register Teeny the waitress brought us over a couple of raspberry tarts in a bag to take home with us ON THE HOUSE!  I may seem overly excited by this, but I rarely win anything or get bargains or anything for free so I was overly enthusiastic about this.

On the subject of making children official I thought it would be fitting to post a picture of A&D on the day they became official (18.12.2008)

BROTHERLY LOVE

D is going to be the best big brother ever.  

From the moment he found out I was pregnant he always wanted Teeny to be a boy so he was beside himself when he arrived.  As soon as Nanny Dot brought him home to meet his baby brother a couple of hours after he was born he went upstairs and brought down Teddy Weddy (I have no idea how he acquired that name) for his brother and that bear has been sat at the top of Teeny's cot ever since.

MINI MOMMY

A absolutely adores her new baby brother and will take every opportunity she can to kiss and cuddle him, sometimes a little too enthusiastically.  However she is less than impressed when she is trying to concentrate on something like a book or a jigsaw and he starts to cry; it is at this point that she promptly tells me "Mommy, he needs booby."  Even at almost three and a half years old it seems that she knows how magic that stuff is.

TEENY'S FIRST BATH

Here is my little squidge during and after his first proper bath at 1 week old .  Yum yum! 

Posting these pictures of Teeny prompted me to go away and find photographs of A&D's first bath only to realise that I don't have the first bath as they had them in hospital,

I did, however, find these pictures of them post bath on Christmas Day 2008, age 3 weeks; A is to the left and D is to the right.

HERO WORSHIP

TEENY AS YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE AT 39+4

Brand spanking new!

Just a quick post to say that Teeny was born at home in water on Sunday 29 April 2012 at 13.52 weighing 7lb 6oz. 

He is absolutely delicious and I want him to stay squidgy forever.

TEENY'S BUMP SHOOT AT 37+0

My sister in law not only has a knack for making and raising beautiful children, but also for taking beautiful photographs and, being the lovely person that she is, she spent the day with us a few weeks ago taking some photographs of A, D and Teeny.  Oh and of course of me!

I had already seen a few of them, but today she gave me a disc of her favourites and I am absolutely blown away by the end result so I just HAD to share a few.

Looking at these photographs now and seeing how lovely they are (I don't often say that about photographs of myself) I can't believe  that I almost didn't have them taken.  Yes, believe it or not in typical pregnant and PCOS woman style I was feeling so hormonal and horrible the night before I actually almost cancelled and was then gently persuaded otherwise.

So Karen thank you so much for being so patient with me and for making such wonderful memories for us all to cherish not only of my pregnancy, but also of A & D's love for me because they have been such hard work lately that sometimes I forget!

CHILDREN ARE WONDERFUL JUDGES OF CHARACTER

Today, we (the children and I) went to invited ourselves to my in laws to have lunch and whilst there my lovely nephew dropped my father in law back after playing golf with him. 

Despite Will being 22 A&D have always loved him and D absolutely worships the ground he walks on which I am more than happy about; he is a wonderful example of how I would like my son to grow up.  I think that part of D's hero worship stems from the fact that he seems to be constantly surrounded by girls or women; the majority of A&D's little friends seem to be girls and my husband and I have seven sisters between us so whenever there are men or boys present he gravitates towards them.  

A&D haven't seen as much of Will recently as they normally would have because he has moved into his own place and has been working very hard, but boy did they make up for today and to their (and my) sheer delight he was more than happy to oblige.  He is genuinely good with them and happy to spend time with them.  It is never forced or put on and he has the patience of a saint when it comes to my children.  I think I was sat there with a permanent smile on my face the whole time.  (Apart from when I was cursing myself for not having a camera with me, however I did subsequently manage to find these pictures of hero worship that my sister in law took in September 2010). 

In those moments, as I watched them play today, I felt so blessed that despite the 19 year age gap they will always love him and he them and I have no doubt that he will always look out for them.

Will, thank you for being the wonderful man that you are and for always finding time for us and to my beautiful sister in law thank you for raising children with such beautiful morals and values. 

Love you all.

TEENY AT 36+3 READY TO PARTY WITH THEIR BROTHER AND SISTER

We were going to the 60th birthday party of the father of a friend of mine here.  A&D rarely get to go to "grown up parties" because they are used to being in bed and asleep by 7.30 and so just get too tired, but I had really wanted to celebrate Andrew's birthday with him and we didn't have a babysitter so I relented given that we would be taking the car and I wouldn't be drinking anyway.

I am really proud to report that A&D behaved beautifully and had a ball.  You couldn't get A off the dance floor and she was very pleased to be the only one there so you can imagine her disgust when we came back from the bathroom to find it full and she was having to lurk at the edge.  To say that she was put out was an understatement!

BABY GIRL LOVES HER DADDY TOO

I love to watch my husband with our children; the love that they have for each other makes my heart melt.

MY BEAUTIFUL BOYS

Seriously, how did I get so damn lucky?  I am truly blessed.

(A LITTLE BIT NAKEY) TEENY AT 34+5

Apologies for the exposure of flesh, but I do love my bump and it won't be here for much longer.

Oh and as an aside my little lady looks so grown up.  Where has my baby girl gone?  Time is just going too quickly.

FEELING DESPONDENT

I will post properly when I can see through the tears, but basically after fairly smooth sailing regarding my request for a home birth we seem to have hit a bit of a brick wall due to staffing shortages at the local midwife led unit which means they get the on call midwives and I am expected to go there if there isn't a midwife for me. 

I can't just sit on my hands and wait and hope for the best once the time arrives because that isn't good for my stress levels so it seems that my only option is to fight which is really not what I should have to do at all and is definitely not what I need or want to be doing with six weeks to go!

TEENY AT 31+3

So here is Teeny at 31+3 (with much needed haircut at long last). 

Seriously though where is the time going?  It is funny how different a second pregnancy is to a first.  As excited as I am and as much as I love being pregnant there is definitely no time to romanticise about it like you can the first time round.  Two pre-schoolers just do not allow for that.  Although they more than make up for it with their heart melting requests to kiss the baby or cuddle it and their little tales of what they are going to show or teach the baby when it comes. 

Long may the love continue.

LIEBSTER BLOG AWARD - LIKE I GOT AN AWARD!

My little ol' blog was set up originally just for my kids and for little ol' me really so I feel very excited that the lovely Helen at Raindrops 'n Roses has given me this award.  For all things domestic goddess like you should definitely check out her blog.  I just do not know where she finds the time!

I do have to say though that I did laugh at her reference to me being calm.  That is the swan effect my lovely (calm and serene on the surface, paddling like mad underneath to stay afloat).

So back to my lovely shiny award. 

 The Liebster Award is given to bloggers who have up to 200 followers in the hope it will bring them new followers and friends. The tradition is that it is then passed on to five other bloggers to help them too.  This is where I am going to struggle as I just don't follow enough people, not really sure why that is to be honest.  Mental note to self to find some more lovely blogs to follow.  I am sure that there are plenty of them on here.

I am told that to accept the award, you need to:

1. Link back to the person's blog who gave you the award and thank them.

2. Post the award on your blog.

3. Give the award to five fellow bloggers who inspire you.  

4. Leave a comment on their blogs to let them know.

So onto the important bit and selecting five blogs to give the award to.  I think I am going to reserve judgement on this for now and go away and find myself  some more blogs to indulge in as there aren't many that I follow and most of the ones that I do have lots of followers anyway.  I should, however, say that if Helen hadn't given the award to me she would clearly be one of them.  I just adore all of her crafting, but also all of the lovely things she seems to find time to do with her girls.  She really inspires me to delve into my depths and search out that little bit of domestic goddessness.

On a final note I must just give Beth @ My Name is Beth this award because hers was the blog that got me  thinking about blogging.  I really enjoy finding out what she has been up to with her little man and we are similar in some ways with our approach to parenting, except that she seems more comfortable in her own parenting skin than me so I seek out inspiration from her blog.  I bet you didn't know that did you lovely so thank you.

I'll get back to this in a few days with the rest of my awards.

TEENY AT 28+2

Ok so still in need of that haircut mentioned in the last picture, but here is an updated bump picture taken last Friday.

I am so pleased to say that, despite having to go in for a trace last Tuesday as Teeny was being unusually lazy, Teeny is doing really well and yes you guessed it as soon as I arrived at the hospital for said trace they were dancing around like there was no tomorrow.  Although I did feel very reassured having had what the midwife referred to as "a beautiful trace".

I also had my 28 week check last week and everything was as perfect as it can be at this stage.  Nothing showing in my urine, bloods came back lovely, bump measuring 28.5, heard a lovely heartbeat and Teeny is head down (for now).  I had nobody to have A&D so had to take them with me which I wasn't looking forward to, but I was really glad that it happened that way.  They do have their moments and I tend to focus on those a lot, but I was so proud of them when we went to see the midwife; they behaved beautifully and were really interested in everything that was going on.  They loved hearing Teeny's heartbeat and stood with their heads peering over the bed while the midwife found it and measured my fundal height.  I even had to explain to my inquisitive daughter the reason why I had to give the midwife a urine sample which was interesting.

Now I just hope that all stays well and uncomplicated because, as much as I am trying to stay level headed and sensible about it all, I am finding myself getting extremely excited at the prospect of a home birth and I can see me being quite heartbroken if it doesn't go according to plan.  Yes I know that in the grand scheme of things all that really matters is that Teeny gets here safe and sound, but a home birth is so important to us as a family especially as we really want A&D to be involved too.  On that note what really surprises me is that they are not in the least bit freaked out by watching women in labour on the TV, but then again why would they be I suppose?  They are innocent children and I guess that because I haven't made a fuss and have answered whatever questions they have had honestly (but in simple terms) it is just normal to them.  We also have a beautifully illustrated children's story book called Hello Baby told from the perspective of a little boy whose mommy is having a home birth and they really like it.  We are just going to play it by ear with them though and if at any point it doesn't feel right for us or them that they are there then they will go to Nanny's for a while. 

Whatever the outcome though we are all so excited about the impending arrival of our new addition and we feel incredibly blessed.

SISTER UKHANA - A SHAMELESS PLUG

A bit off topic for my blog, but I need to give Sister Ukhana a mention as I have been meaning to do so for a while.

Sister Ukhana is a Community Interest Company set up by a friend of mine.  Back in 2005, I think it was, my very very good friend Jade went to volunteer in an orphanage in Ghana for around six months or so.  I missed her lots during that time, but she came back in 2006 with a plan to set up a business to sell fair trade cocoa butter products made by women in Ghana and packaged by women here.  If you want to know more you can find out more about the ins and outs of the business on her website. 

Now I have every faith in Jade that she will accomplish whatever she will set out to do, but I have to say that a teeny part of me thought this might be a bit of a tall order, even for Jade, but I needn't have worried.  In the midst of training for a new job, working more than full time, buying a house, learning French, being a heavily involved director of another Community Interest Company and a good few other things thrown in for good measure including the selfless acts of being my bridesmaid and organising my baby shower ;) Jade is well on the way to having Sister Ukhana as a fully functioning and trading business.  She has worked to complete application after application for funding grants, worked with pharmacists (or the like so don't quote me on the exact qualification) on formulations, website designers, graphic designers, friends and associates in the UK and Ghana to sourcing ingredients and a team etc, etc.  The list goes on!

Sister Ukhana CIC was registered in 2010, but there's been huge progress this January what with the website being launched so I thought this was the perfect time to show Jade and her hard work some love and tell her how extremely proud I am of her for her achievements and also how much I love her for being my friend.

Jade and I on a night out pre-motherhood

Oh and given that I like to talk a bit about my photography interest in this blog I am very selfishly going to give myself a little mention for doing some of the product shots for the website like the one on  the top right hand side of the website's homepage.  I was really chuffed that Jade asked me to do this, even if it did take me an age to get them sorted,  and am so pleased with how they look on the website, can't believe that I actually took them.  Thanks so much for the opportunity my lovely.

So finally if you would like to find out more about Sister Ukhana have a look at the website, like her on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.

SAY HELLO TO HERMAN

Almost a fortnight ago my lovely friend Jess (or The Baking Queen as I like to label her, just ask A&D who makes the best cake and they will always tell you Auntie Jess) gave me a starter mix for a Herman Cake along with some instructions on how to take care of Herman.  This was "day one".

As I understand it Herman Cake is a German friendship cake and is basically the cake version of a chain letter.  They are super easy to make into a lush cake and even baking novices like my little ones and I can make a delicious cake with very little effort.

So basically the starter mix is a sour dough base I think, in fact I don't actually know the exact content.

...goes away to look it up...

Ok so the starter mix consists of active dry yeast, sugar, flour, milk and warm water, but I didn't need to worry about that. 

On day one you transfer Herman from the container he came in to a new home that gives him plenty of room to grow.  In our house the new house was actually a big bowl and the roof a tea towel.  Like me, Herman likes to be nice and warm so there is no putting him in the fridge.  We just left him on the side in the kitchen.

On days two and three you simply uncover Herman, give him a good stir and cover him back up.  Not exactly complicated even for a baking novice like me.

Day four does require a little more effort as Herman is hungry.  I personally can't believe that it takes him a whole four days to get hungry.  It barely takes me four minutes.  Ha ha!  Anyway back to Herman.  On day four you add one cup of plain flour, one cup of sugar and one cup of milk and stir well.  Yes that's it, not exactly brain surgery.  I am sure that these quantities will vary between individual recipes, but I think that as long as you are consistent with whichever recipe you use it doesn't really matter.

All Herman needs on days six, seven and eight is to be stirred well on each day.  Yes it really is that simple.

This time it takes Herman until day nine to get hungry again and at this point you simply add the same as you did on day four and stir well except at this point you divide the mixture into four equal parts.  You then keep one part to cook on day ten and pass the other three on to friends with a copy of the instructions.  If you are greedy like me you just give two away and keep two for yourself; one to cook on day ten and one to start the cycle all over again. 

Day ten is the day that requires the most effort, but even so it is not exactly rocket science.  This is because Herman is very hungry by day ten so you need to add the following:-                          

1 cup sugar 

1 cup plain flour                                              

2 eggs                                                             

Two thirds of a cup of cooking oil (not olive oil though)

2 teaspoons baking powder

Half a teaspoon of salt

2 teaspoons vanilla essence

2 heaped teaspoons cinnamon

2 chopped apples (optional)

1 cup raisins (optional)

Half cup walnuts (optional)

I have to admit though that we did away with the raisins, walnuts and apples and instead added dried cranberries, broken mandarins and dark chocolate chips.  All you have to do is literally mix everything together with a wooden spoon.  There is no beating or creaming or any of that nonsense.  Great for the kids, especially my son who likes to bake, but whose concentration span is just not long enough to do a whole recipe from scratch so Herman was especially perfect for him as he got to do a bit each day and they both loved the fact that they had to take care of Herman and mix him every day.

Once everything is mixed together you just pour it into a large, well greased tin or, if you are me, the wonder that is the silicone alternative and pop in the oven at between 170 and 180 degrees for between 45 minutes and an hour and voila.

The lovely Jess tells me that you can sprinkle with equal parts brown sugar and melted butter, but I just went for the brown sugar option.

I should admit that I think that my combo of orange, cranberry and choc was too heavy as it seemed to sink  to the bottom when cooked even though I coated it in flour as suggested by my baking guru.  To be honest though we didn't really care about that minor mishap as it still tasted lush and we don't often have home baked cake in our house so it is being devoured very quickly.

I am an absolute beginner when it comes to baking, but even I managed this and I definitely recommend it for something to do with the tiddlers as they really enjoyed the fact that they got to do something everyday and were really excited for day ten.  They also got to go to the supermarket with me purely to chose what we were going to feed Herman on day ten. 

Go on give it a go, you know you want to!

TEENY AT 24+4

It really is about time that Teeny made another appearance on this blog as I seem to be lacking in bump pictures so here they are yesterday on our trip to the park.  Granted it really is not the most flattering picture of me and I look huge as well as needing a good haircut, but hey ho Teeny is doing well so who am I to complain?

THE PERFECT WINTERS DAY

So I have been somewhat poor in updating my blog of late.  Annoyingly this isn't because I don't have anything to report,  to the contrary in fact; I have so many half written and unfinished blog posts in the "posting" section of my blog that it is getting ridiculous, but I really want them published in the blog at the point that they should be as opposed to deleting them because they are mostly about lovely memories that I do not want to forget.  Although because they will be in the correct place they are unlikely to even get read because nobody will even know they are there.   I am just really struggling to find the time energy to blog at the moment which I find extremely frustrating as I really enjoy it.  I used to do it when I came home from work as my little wind down before bed, but I am finding myself having to go straight to bed now.  Boooo!

Anyway I do have a little bit of time now so I must write about today. 

I am not one of those people who objects to winter, what I do object to are those miserable damp wet winters days which make it impossible to really do anything and we have had far too many of those of late.  Today however was different, it was beautiful; cold, sunny and crisp and has been for a couple of days meaning that the ground was hard and not squelchy and muddy.  Today was a perfect day for hats and gloves and letting the children run around in the park and for me to take some photos as I seem to have been lacking in that area of late too.  I have been feeling a little like I have lost my mojo and what little bit of flair I have.

A&D love being outside so there was no element of persuasion needed at all when it came to them and seeing them run around in the sunshine all wrapped up and having fun with red noses and rosy cheeks is one of my most favourite sights ever possibly even slightly more than in the warm sunshine of the summer.   I have been feeling slightly guilty hormonal irrational of late about how Teeny's arrival may affect the lovely little settled life that A&D have so this beautiful day with them and my lovely husband was just the tonic that I needed too. 

I don't think that I really need to write much more about the fun they had, what's that saying?  A picture (or in this case pictures) paints a thousand words.

So grown up

Obviously we headed straight for the big slide Mommy

See...

...Saw

I love my Daddy

Ha ha Mommy!  You can't catch me.