There are two reasons why there are very few photographs of me in the project. The first one is that I am, more often than not, the one behind the camera and secondly I am really not a huge fan of photographs of myself. Having said that I am very conscious of the fact that there are too few photographs of me with our children so in an attempt to improve that situation A and I were playing around with selfies on my phone today.
Today you looked so grown up to me, I don't know why. Maybe it was because you had new clothes on; maybe it was because we've been having lovely whether and so you had your little legs out, but whatever it was you just suddenly seem like a little lady to me. Gone is the roundness of your early years and in its place are long slender limbs and the development of a nipped in waist. I am finding this new stage of your life both exciting and extremely challenging and I am wondering what lessons I will learn from this young lady before me. Please be gentle with me.
Even in the paddling pool in the garden you had to have on your new 'bikini' (actually it is a tankini, but who am I to argue) accompanied by a necklace, a bracelet and a flower in your hair? I am forever trying to tell you that you are always beautiful no matter what you wear or look like because it is about whether your heart beautiful, but I am never sure whether those words are sinking in. I really hope they are.
Look at all of those little creases; elbows, wrists, thighs and knees. If only I could love my own creases as much as I do yours. Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt there.
I have PCOS and I worry a lot about whether A will inherit it from me and what to do if she does. I have never coped well with it's effect on my appearance and I never want A (or either of my boys) to feel that low about themselves. I want them to feel comfortable in their own skin and never feel the need to conform, but how do you empower when you don't feel empowered? How do you teach them to feel comfortable in their skin without teaching them how to conform? We all know that we should lead by example, but I am not a great example of somebody who doesn't feel the need to conform.
So yesterday we were pottering in the garden listening to some music and I try to be quite selective about what I put on when little ears are around because they like to sing along and pick up the words very quickly. So anyway I found a track on my MP3 from way back when and in today's (well I say today, but the song is about 12 years old) celebrity driven society it is a breath of fresh air. India Arie has, quite by accident, provided me with an anthem for teaching my daughter how to be comfortable in her own skin. She rocks!
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