I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN

Hi guys, I haven't forgotten about "Three Things to be Thankful For".  I have notes from each day of my three and will publish soon, but have been falling asleep of an evening before I can even manage to turn the laptop on.  Must be left over fatigue from the glandular fever and poorly arm which I am happy to report feels a million times better!  Yay!

 

Be back soon.  Probably not tonight though as, much to my daughter's disgust because she is not allowed to join me, I am going to see Kimbra.  (Thanks to Georgia of Documenting Delight for the introduction!)

 

Lots of love.

 

xx

FRIENDS OLD AND NEW

Today when the rain that wasn't forecast finally stopped we headed for a postponed play date in the park.  There are five months between my twins and my friend Marie's oldest daughter so they have been friends virtually since the day she was born.  The girls are both very girly; they share a love of all things pretty and were clearly pleased to see each other today.  However what I also noticed today was how protective D was of his friend; when she fell over he came to tell us; when he went off to play he took her with him and when she wasn't near him playing he wanted to know where she was.  He is like this with A (when they are not bickering), but I am used to that as she is his sister after all and,  aside from a few days just after their first birthday when A was in hospital with pneumonia, he has never spent a night away from her.  Nevertheless to see him like it with his little friend was so heartwarming.  He is such a sweet and sensitive soul and so very caring and I am so thankful for his kindhearted nature.

Speaking of friendships, not only did I watch old friendships develop today, but I also watched new ones forming.  What is it about children that allows them to form friendships so quickly and easily?  They have no preconceived notion or judgements about what the other child is like and I wish so much that I could wrap up that innocence so that they could take it on life's journey with them.  When we first got to the park I saw a little girl, slightly older than A I would imagine, keeping a close eye on her and they always seemed to be in close proximity to each other.  Well, within twenty minutes of our arrival they were running around together holding hands and having full blown conversations.  Oh how I wish I could hear what they were talking about at such a tender age.  I am so in awe of my daughter's ability to form new friendships with such ease.   I love that, whilst at this age children do notice differences between themselves and their peers, it seems to have little or no impact on their opinion of that person or their desire to get to know them.  Sometimes we can learn such big lessons from ones so little and I am so grateful for the lesson my daughter taught me today.

Finally, I must just add that was very thankful today to meet baby Noah and catch up with his mommy too.  Noah is Marie's new nephew and, at five weeks old, is just delicious.  I felt so privileged to get to meet him so soon.  Mr & Mrs L, you make such beautiful babies.  Enjoy every scrumptious minute of him!

HAPPINESS IN PICTURES

D, Teeny, A
Nom Nom Nom

Finally...a picture of our family of five

Fresh Air + Exercise = Happy Children + Happy Mommy

GRANDAD AND TEENY'S FIRST CUDDLES

My father in law loves my children a lot and I have absolutely no doubts about that, but he just does not "do" babies.  They are too small and floppy so in their early days he will talk to them and ask about them and comment on their changes, but it is common knowledge in the family that he won't  hold them so don't even bother asking.  I was a little concerned about this when A&D were little, but I needn't have been as it has had no adverse affect on his relationship with them and they adore him!

Anyway, today I decided to test the water with Teeny; to my surprise and without any degree of persuasion on my part my father in law took him from me.  I cannot tell you how gutted I was that I didn't have the camera with me though as Teeny stayed in those arms for a good while and was staring at his grandad so intently that it made my heart melt.  What made it all the more special was that my husband had popped into his parents' on his lunch to see us all so he got to see it for himself too!

So without a doubt special cuddles are one of the things that I was most thankful for today. 

Whilst at Nanny and Grandad's today I was amazed at my children's imagination.  The conversation went something like this:-

A: Mommy, Nanny; a buzzy bee.

D: A buzzy bee, a buzzy bee.

Mommy and Nanny head outside to see the buzzy bee.

NANNY:  Do you know what he is doing?  He is  taking all of the pollen out of the flower to take back to the hive to make honey.

ME:  As long as you leave him alone he will leave you alone baby.

Mommy and Nanny head back inside the house.

D:  There is bee hive Mommy!

ME:  Is there?  (knowing all too well that there isn't)

D:  Yes Mommy look.

So off I headed back outside where D was pointing to some pretty tree bark that my in laws have flowers planted in which sounds random, but looks lovely.  Anyway, although it doesn't obviously look like a bee hive you could see from the texture and the colour and size where he had got the idea from.

It always makes me happy to see and hear where my children's imaginations take them.

Talking of playing in the garden; it is something that my kids just cannot get enough of so this evening A, D and I were having races in the garden whilst Daddy and Teeny did the medal ceremonies using the medals A&D got from pre-school.  I even sang God Save the Queen for them.  Ha ha! 

We all laughed so hard it hurt (and D cried a bit because he didn't win every race). 

Oh what fun and a great thing to have as one of my three things that I am thankful for today! xxx

IT'S A TOUGH ONE

Well we have had one of those "I don't want to listen to or take on board anything Mommy is going to say today" days.  I feel like a broken record and simply exhausted, although it was probably not helped by the fact that I was up in the night with the dreaded arm because I had tried to not take any painkillers before bed.  I won't be making that mistake again tonight.

Given the above this post will be a short one because the negatives have masked the positives today so I have had to dig deep to really find those positives, but amongst a day of mayhem there have been a few lovely moments that have made me smile.

1.  When I got out of the shower this morning I could hear A&D pottering about in their room so I tried unsuccessfully to creep in and snap a (very poor) photograph of whatever they were up to and this is what I found.

They looked too cute for words sat on A's bed together reading Things I Love About Playtime.  It was one of those moments that I will hold in my heart for years to come.

(As an aside we really love the "Things I Love About..." books.  They are really hard to get hold of here for some reason, but we have got a total six different ones on two separate occasions for £2 each in Aldi of all places.  What an absolute steal!  If you see them I really recommend you buy them.)

2.  After poking my head around A&D's door I went into my own room to find this beautiful sight.  I know he is mine so clearly I am biased, but how can this face not make you smile and feel thankful?

3.  Once the children were all in bed and I was laid on my bed feeling sad about the day my wonderful husband brought me up a coffee, lay next to me and just cuddled me for half an hour.  He knew exactly what I needed without me having to say a word.

APPARENTLY MY CHILDREN HAVE A NEW SISTER......

Ha ha!  No I am not pregnant. 

Today we went to Christy's for a play date. I have blogged about her lovely little family before here and here  There are just a couple of weeks in age between A&D and Christy's daughter and they all play so lovely together; it is an absolute delight to watch them. 

The girls were just the cutest today though and were running around the garden playing sisters and pretending that they were going to be late for their exercise class (Christy goes to an exercise class on Tuesdays evenings so I am assuming that game stemmed from).  They act so grown up and I have to pinch myself sometimes to remind myself that A is only three (going on thirteen!).

A is very unlikely to ever have a sister so it means even more to me now than it did before I had Teeny that she has a few really lovely girlfriends and some older female cousins to indulge in her girliness (is that even a real word?) with because, as much as I try, girliness is not a trait she gets from me!

So today's happiness/thankful list really stems from our play date today.

1.  Seeing A&D playing so nicely with their friends made me so happy.

2.  I am so thankful for the fact that my children have been able to form such good relationships with their peers and so subsequently are blessed to have some really lovely friends.

3.  Christy told me today that her daughter had asked if  I was coming to their house with A&D today and when she told her I was she said something along the lines of "yay I love Rachel".  Well I love you too sweetie!.

Thanks for your hospitality guys.  Looking forward to seeing you again really soon.  xxx

A QUICK LIST OF GRATITUDE

I can barely keep my eyes open so just a quick list of thankfulness today.

1.  More sleep and less drugs.  Ok so I am slightly duplicating the sleep thing, but last night was even better than last time I posted about my sleep status.  I took two painkillers for my arm before bed last night and woke briefly during the night, but didn't require painkillers just repositioned myself, fed Teeny very briefly and then went back to sleep until this morning.  I feel much more positive now that i am not pumped full of drugs and am getting more sleep and I am very thankful for that.

2.  A clear chest x-ray.  Well I am assuming it was clear because the doctors surgery ring if results show anything and I haven't had a phone call despite the x-rays being back so as they say "no news is good news" in this case

3.  Half an hour to sit down with my lovely husband this evening for coffee, biscuits and a chat. I love him so much, but time together on our own is so precious and I really felt blessed that we managed that little bit of time for ourselves today without feeling guilty.

Right I am off now.  Night night.

THANKFUL FOR MY BABIES

Today has been the kind of day where I could have just skipped a project like this, but I am so conscious of not wanting to do that so I took some time once the children were in bed to try to think about all of the things (I don't mean material things here) that I have been blessed with and of course there were three very obvious ones:-

1. A*

2. D*

3. Teeny*

There was a time when we were going through our fertility treatment in 2007/2008 that I couldn't imagine being lucky enough to have one child and now I have three under the age of 4, yes that's right THREE.  Some days More often  than not it is such a challenge and I worry so much that I might not be doing a good enough job.  Mostly though, even on the tough days, I am in awe of the little people we have created and the inspiring individuals that they are becoming; sometimes I am so proud of them I feel like I might burst at any moment. 

So today I am truly thankful for my children, the journey they are taking me on and the gift of motherhood.

A,D and Teeny I love you to the moon and back xxx

* I would like to just clarify for my kids when they are old enough to read this and start arguing about who is my favourite that I love you all the same and the above list is in order of age and not preference. Ha ha!

THREE S'S (SLEEP, SUNSHINE & SISTER)

Just a quickie today as we have had a wonderfully busy day at Victoria Park in Stafford followed by a barbecue at home.  I am happy tired and looking forward to cuddling up to my hubby on the sofa for more Olympic fever.

So what am I thankful for today?

1.  I had the best night's sleep I have had in weeks last night.  I did have to take two lots of painkillers during it, but I managed to get back to sleep super quick and wasn't awake for hours like I have been of late.  This might seem like a daft thing to be thankful for, but it made for such a nice day today because I wasn't exhausted.

2.  The sunshine today meant that I could spend a lovely day out with my beautiful family which, after not being able to do much with the children over the last few weeks, was really good for my soul.

3.  A's love for her brothers makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside.  She is without a doubt the boss and she and D do bicker, but in spite of that she absolutely adores both of her brothers and is very protective of them.  It was so heart warming to watch her guiding D into the water today and reassuring him; she really boosted his confidence.



THREE THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR

I have been feeling a bit very sorry for myself lately.  Not without cause as I have had glandular fever followed by some terrible pain (read worse than childbirth) in my right arm (I am right handed) which nobody can figure out the root of.  (I should really add here that, aside from an awful out of hours doctor who couldn't care less, the doctors have been fab and arranged for me to have a chest x-ray and shoulder MRI super quick).  We tried Amitriptyline for nerve pain, but that didn't touch it and so I am having to take Co-codamol just to take the edge off which doesn't seem to have bothered Teeny at all, but as I am breastfeeding and not one to take much medicine it makes me nervous.    It also makes me feel terribly drowsy which is not good with three children and the drowsiness combined with the pain makes driving near on impossible; ironically though the drowsiness doesn't mask the pain to the extent that I can actually sleep at night!  Subsequently I haven't been able to do all of the things I had planned to do with the children or in the house/garden over the summer break hence the big pile of self pity.

So anyway inspired by this post by Georgia of Gregarious Peach (go check out her blog if you haven't already: she is such an inspiration!) I have decided that for the next month I am going to try to list three things from each day that I am thankful for or that make me happy.  Seeing Georgia's post reminded me that when I was going through a bout of depression a few years ago and using some NLP techniques and hypnotherapy I briefly tried a "happiness journal" and it worked well, but like a lot of things I didn't persevere with it.  I hope that having a blog already set up might make it easier to do because, at least if I don't have much time but have thought about it throughout the day, I can just log in and quickly jot down the list or attach a photograph.  I occasionally toy with trying to post a photograph per day;  the problem is that I am very self critical and a bit of a depressive (although that seems to have been pretty much under control over the last 4-5 years), but if I missed a day or the photographs weren't up to scratch it would be something else to add to my list of "fails" so I think I need to feel stronger before I try that and  stick to the "Three Things to be Thankful For" post for now and see how I feel at the end of the month.

So here is today's list. 

1.  My wonderful husband who, despite having to go to work each day, has spent countless nights awake over the last few weeks reassuring me, rubbing my arm and just generally being lovely to me while I have been feeling so rubbish.

2.  Christy P is a lovely, selfless "mommy friend" of mine who, despite having her own two, took A&D for me on Tuesday so that I could catch up on some sleep.  I really struggle to loose the reins when it comes to my children, but I was desperate for two things; one being sleep and the other being for A&D to have a really fun day without a grumpy mommy.  My children love to play with Christy's children and I trust her completely so I handed those reins over and of course they had an absolute ball.  I feel so incredibly touched by her kindness.

3.  A&D laughing together.  They came out into the garden with me today whilst I was putting out the washing and to be honest I can't even remember what lets pretend game their imaginations had inspired them to play because I was so busy revelling in the fact that they were laughing so hard together.

So those are my three for today and you know what?  I feel better already.

THE BEAUTY OF BOOBIES

So I LOVE LOVE LOVE breastfeeding and today, being the last day of World Breastfeeding Week 2012, I want to squeeze in a post about it.  I had wanted to do a whole series, but have been poorly with one thing and another and have not been feeling up to it.  I just couldn't let this week pass though without at least one post.

If you are a follower of my blog you will know from this post that I am a Peer Supporter for my local PCT and also that before I had A&D I wasn't remotely bothered about breastfeeding.  To be honest the thought of it grossed me out a bit.  Oh how times change though!

I ended up feeding A&D for 15 months.  I am not sure if you would call it self weaning, but basically they just weren't interested anymore.  I had been offering breast to them in the morning before breakfast and they had been taking it, but they hadn't initiated feeds themselves for a good while and one morning it was like they tag teamed me.  They ate some of their cereal before I offered them their feed and then neither of them were remotely interested in their breastfeed which broke my heart.  Obviously I rang my husband and cried about it and it was then that I decided that I wasn't going to offer because I couldn't deal with the upset of constant rejection, but I wasn't going to refuse either.  Well it breaks my heart to say that I wasn't given the opportunity to refuse them because neither of them ever sought booby again!  What upsets me more is that apart from a couple of photographs that my mother in law took when A&D were 4 days old I don't have any other photographs of me feeding them.  At the time I was mortified that she had those photos, but now I am so so thankful for it.

One of the things that I looked forward to most when I was pregnant with Teeny was to breastfeed him.  I missed it so much when A&D stopped and my body ached when I saw other mommies feeding their brand new teeny weeny babies.  I had also learned a lot in the intervening period through my peer support training about how to position and attach a baby and about the reasons behind why babies do some of the things they do when they are feeding.  I also felt more relaxed than I did with A&D, not just because I had done it before because after all Teeny was going to be a different baby with his own issues, but  because I knew where to go and who to ask if I did have any struggles.

A bit of me feels guilty for writing this, but when it comes to feeding (and most other things) Teeny has, on the whole, been a bit of a dream baby.  I am not bragging it is just a simple fact.  I did after all have my fair share of very long endless sleepless nights first time round so if you are struggling with a newborn you have my sympathy and I really do feel your pain.  I know everybody will have their own opinion on home births, but I am convinced that aside from being my second pregnancy/third baby, which obviously makes it easier, his calmness really has something to do with him being born at home into a calm and peaceful environment and into the place that he was to stay as opposed to being moved from a the bright lights of a delivery suite to the hustle and bustle of a post natal ward and then to the home where he was to stay.

Anyway I went off on a bit of a tangent then so back to the feeding.  We did have a feeding frenzy on Teeny's second night and I literally didn't sleep all night, but I felt much calmer about it.  The first time around I panicked that something was wrong and that I didn't have enough milk, but this time I knew that he was just stimulating my body to produce what he needed and a bad night for me was a really good night for him.  Instead of stressing with my husband I remember quite calmly saying to him that I was going downstairs so that he could sleep because at some point Teeny would go to sleep, probably with the dawn chorus, but at least then if he had slept he could get up with A&D and take them to pre-school and I could go to sleep with Teeny so that's what we did and it was fine.  This feeding frenzy did, however, bring to light the fact that I obviously hadn't had him positioned exactly right because I found that by morning I was very sore.  As I said before though I felt empowered by the fact that I knew where to go for help so I asked the infant feeding midwife who I work with to have a look at his positioning because I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong and it turned out that he just needed his bottom tucking in slightly so that his nose wasn't buried in my breast as much and that was pretty much it.  What a very different story to my struggles and trials and tribulations first time around!  Yes he has had his growth spurts and likes to cluster feed during the early evening and on occasions during the day, but to be honest because I know that it is all normal it doesn't really bother me and I just roll with it and because it is my second experience of breastfeeding I am pretty much happy to feed anywhere and everywhere (including walking through The Fort Shopping Park) so those growth spurts and cluster feeds do not really restrict me.

It hasn't been an easy ride, especially with A&D, but I feel so blessed to have been able to breastfeed my three children.  Words cannot describe what a beautiful experience it is for me and how much I will cherish those special moments with my children for years to come.  I am utterly dreading the day that Teeny weans as that will be the day that my own breastfeeding experience ends.  In fact I am welling up just thinking about it.  I do thankfully have some lovely photographs of his first feeds and I intend to take lots more as we go through our breastfeeding journey together.  I just really hope that journey is a long one...

MAMA SAYS A LADY AINT WHAT SHE WEARS BUT WHAT SHE KNOWS

I have PCOS and I worry a lot about whether A will inherit it from me and what to do if she does.  I have never coped well with it's effect on my appearance and I never want A (or either of my boys) to feel that low about themselves.  I want them to feel comfortable in their own skin and never feel the need to conform, but how do you empower when you don't feel empowered?  How do you teach them to feel comfortable in their skin without teaching them how to conform?  We all know that we should lead by example, but I am not a great example of somebody who doesn't feel the need to conform. 

So yesterday we were pottering in the garden listening to some music and I try to be quite selective about what I put on when little ears are around because they like to sing along and pick up the words very quickly.  So anyway I found a track on my MP3 from way back when and in today's (well I say today, but the song is about 12 years old) celebrity driven society it is a breath of fresh air.  India Arie has, quite by accident, provided me with an anthem for teaching my daughter how to be comfortable in her own skin.  She rocks!

So go on my baby girl.  Be a queen!

FUN IN THE SUN...

 ...okay so it's the shade really given that Teeny was in there with them.

I JUST WANT TO PRESS PAUSE

So yesterday A&D finished pre-school and will be going to the school nursery in September ready for school the following year.  It only seems like five minutes ago that I was writing this post yet here we are; they have done a whole school year, grown and developed in an indescribable way and made some lovely friends in the process.  However despite all this I feel a little bit sad and I just want to press the pause button; their life is passing by far too quickly.  A had got to the stage where she was running into pre-school and most mornings forgetting to even kiss me and in typical boy fashion D will let me kiss him and then wipe it off!  It was not so long ago that I could cuddle up with them for hours if I wanted to and now 10 minutes is my lot!  Oh how I wish I could go back to when they were tiny and enjoy them as babies instead of stressing so much about everything and feeling like I had something to prove.

A&D's pre-school presentation after their
olympic themed leavers party

Then there is Teeny's too.  I cannot believe that he will be 13 weeks old tomorrow.  Where did that go?  I have already had to force myself to take the wedge out of Teeny's car seat last week because he was so squashed up in it, but I was am so desperate to keep him small I hadn't been able to take it out.  I feel so sad that already he needs me less.  I know most people yearn for their baby to sleep  through the night and I am pretty sure I did with A&D (it was a very difference experience with them though), but I feel a little sad that, apart from the odd occasion, Teeny does not need to nurse during the night anymore.  It was our one time to have a sneaky little cuddle; for me to smell him and be in awe of the lovely little life before me without anybody to disturb us and now that is over far too quickly  Where has my teeny tiny squidgy baby gone?

Not So Squidgy

Maybe I am feeling it more because I know Teeny is very likely to be my last baby.  I don't think I will ever be one of those women who says they never want another baby, but at some point reality has to kick in.  I am not very materialistic, but I do not want us to struggle financially as they grow up and we are really not that well off now so as much as I would love to have more I think we would really struggle if we did.  I also want to have a new career vocation once they are all at school; I feel very blessed that we have a situation that works for us in that we both work and get to spend a great amount of time with our children, but the job that I will go back to after my maternity leave is the means to an end for us, you know a stopgap and not something I want to do for the rest of my life.  I want to do something meaningful that I am passionate about and for my children to see that passion in me.  I never want them to think that they have to settle.

I peruse so many "mommy blogs" which are beautiful and filled with love and endless hours of mommies doing so many wonderful things with their children and I really yearn for that kind of lifestyle because I don't want to have regrets about what I missed out on when my children were growing up, but I have no idea how to make that a reality.  I am by no means any kind of super housewife and I certainly don't live in a show home (if only), but a lot of the time life just takes over and I am desperate to relax and make more special time with the wonderful children I have and cherish them in every way possible.

I just want to press pause to keep them still and small and just hold them and never let them go, but even if it were possible it would be selfish.  I know that what I actually have to do is nurture them and encourage their independence so that when it is time their wings will open and they won't be afraid to fly.

I'm off now for a little cry...

"The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence."  DENIS WAITLEY

FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE - ROUND 1

Ok so I have mentioned before that I have an infinite number of partially written posts that I am desperate to finish and publish (in chronological order for the sake of the children when they come to read it when  they are older and for my sake when I look back), but despite my desire to I am really struggling to find the time to blog at all lately.

Anyway here are a couple of posts I have finally managed to remove from my "draft" list.

Teeny's First Bath

Teeny Is All Official

TREASURES FROM INDIA

The most special treasure we received from India today was in the form of a vist from my lovely sister in law, Karen, who has just got back from a five week business trip there.

I have to say that I have missed her a lot.  It isn't as if I see her every day or anything like that, but we do see each other regularly and I think that the knowledge that she wasn't a five minute drive away was enough to make me miss her.  That trip also meant that we were not able to celebrate each other's birthdays together which made me miss her even more; oh that and the fact that she photographed Teeny's birth for me and he was only four weeks when she left and he is now nine weeks was a bit emotional for me too.

Karen brought with her some treasures for my tiddlers.  These were in the form of 24 lovely purple and gold sparkley and jangley bangles for A (I know there are 24 because madam made a point of sitting and counting them).  These are perfect for her as she is VERY into her jewellery at the moment; this is definitely nature not nurture because I have to say that unless I am going out I am not really a very girly girl whereas from an early age my daughter has been like a magpie when it comes to sparkly things.  In fact one of her first words was pretty.

D received a little green elephant statue which he loved and took straight to put on the window ledge in his room.  D you see loves anything and everything green and Karen knows this so this was a very well thought out gift for him.

Teeny, however, got something extra special; not because he is more special to her than A&D I might add, but because this is his welcome to the world present from her.  He was so lucky  to receive two beautiful bangles that I absolutely love.  They are gorgeous and unique, but the thing that makes me love them the most is because he hasn't had any other keepsake type gifts so this makes them an extra special gift from an extra special person.



Treasures

MOMMY CAN I HOLD HIM?



Blessings

These three are as blessed to have each other as we are to have them.

COUSINS

D, Teeny, A and their adorable cousin Sophie who they always have so much fun with!

SLEEPY BOYS

I am still playing catch up with my blog as I have umpteen posts I want to write and there just aren't enough hours in the day; I think I might have to admit defeat at some point.

Anyway, in the meantime here is a lovely moment from today.

Teeny & D all snuggled up having a cheeky afternoon nap

JUBILEE CELEBRATIONS

As you will know if you have read my last post our Jubilee weekend was spent in hospital so we didn't really get to enjoy the festivities.  As a result of the hospital trip this post is quite late, but I had always been planning to blog about it so here it is.

In the lead up  to the Jubilee I had been explaining to A&D the reason for the Jubilee and why there were lots of celebrations.  On the last Friday of half term (1 June) A&D had a party at pre-school to celebrate the Jubilee and they (and all of the other children at pre-school) had an absolute ball.  As you can see I had to send them dressed in red, white and blue; they had their faces painted at pre-school and they had made their crowns at pre-school on one of the days leading up to the party.  I was also asked to send them in with a packed lunch so  that they could have a picnic.  I have it on good authority from them that they also had a bouncy castle, a puppet show and coloured in jubilee themed pictures. 

Oh and A also told me that "Fiona matched; she had nail varnish and blue eyeshadow."  Fiona is the pre-school manager and A's key worker and is always very colour co-ordinated which, in typical girl fashion, A always takes note of.

They were sent home with a red, white or blue balloon and the cakes in the picture which had been made by one of the mommies from pre-school and they looked fabulous although I can't comment as to how they tasted as I didn't manage to get near one before they disappeared.  We did have a little bit of a drama with the balloons as A's red one burst on the way out so in her typical drama queen style (I love you my darling, but you really can be quite dramatic at times, so much so that I can see you being an actress when you grow up...ha ha!) she cried on and off for about half an hour despite the fact that she was given a white one to replace it!

On  the way home though I did feel a little bit sad.  They always have lots of fun at pre-school with their friends, but especially so on this day and I started to think about how much they are going to miss it when they finish in July and how they have to start all over again at nursery next year without all of the lovely friends they have made.  They have grown so much as people since they started pre-school in September and are looking forward to nursery, but I don't think they, or many of their friends who all seem to be going to different nurseries/ schools, have quite grasped the fact that it replaces pre-school and that they won't be going there anymore. 

I know that they will be fine and will make new friends at nursery as well as staying in touch with some of their friends at pre-school, but it still makes me feel a little sad.  I am also a a little bit excited though to see what nursery has in store for them.

A SIGH OF RELIEF

Well I did have a few posts planned, namely about new fluff (cloth nappies) and A&D's jubilee party at pre-school, but they are going to take a back seat for the time being to allow me to process last weekend's events.

Teeny gave us a bit of a fright last Friday (1st June) and ended up being admitted to Birmingham Children's Hospital on that evening for three days and nights.  I had taken him to the GP as he had a temperature and was just generally not himself which seems weird to say about a five week old, but he is normally such a chilled out baby and on Friday afternoon he kept crying out like he was in pain and it was heartbreaking.  The GP wasted no time in sending us up to ED at The Children's and within two hours of us arriving he had had all of his obs done, a urine sample and blood samples had been taken and he had had a lumbar puncture; he had also had his first lot of IV antibiotics administered and we would have been admitted to PAU by then too had it to not been for an emergency. 

Now I know that there are so many families with children much more poorly that have to deal with so much more than we had to so this will sound a bit OTT, but I have to admit that when they were taking those bloods and he was crying his little heart out and then when I was waiting for him to have his lumbar puncture done there were a few moments when I wondered if I would actually get to take him home and I started to think about the fact that I didn't have enough photographs of him and about the people who haven't got to meet him yet. 

For the first 48 hours following his admission I couldn't put Teeny down; every time I tried he screamed and screamed and it broke my heart. I am his mommy and I should be able to fix everything, but I was so powerless!  This was then compounded by the fact that I didn't see A&D for a whole 48 hours either; the longest I have EVER been away from them and the guilt I felt about that was immense.  They love Teeny so much and wouldn't be without him now; he is the first person they look for when they wake up, but despite that I remember feeling almost selfish for choosing to have another child and turning their worlds upside down.  If you ask them though they will actually tell you that they had a ball as they got to spend a few hours with Nanny on the Saturday and Monday and they went to have dinner with my sister and play with their big cousins on the Sunday so I needn't feel guilty, but I am their mommy and so of course I do. 

To our relief all of the initial tests were rushed through and came back fine that evening (other than the blood culture which takes 48 hours) so they were followed by a chest x-ray on Saturday and on Sunday he had some more bloods taken to check his CRP and he was seen by a surgical registrar to check his "boy bits" as they did wonder whether they had got twisted as they descended, but thankfully the x-ray, all of the bloods and the surgical registrar's examination came back fine too.

It took a good 36 hours to keep his temperature down despite being pumped full of "Domestos for kids" as the lovely consultant labelled it (I am not being sarcastic here by the way, he really was a lovely man), but by Sunday night he seemed to have perked up a little and even managed to spend half of the night in the cot and not attached to me which was huge progress.  His improvement continued and to my relief he was discharged on Monday afternoon, although we still have no idea what caused it.  D had had some kind of virus for a couple of days earlier in that week so I am assuming that he caught that, but because he is so small he was unable to fight it off like D.  Before he was discharged though they took another urine sample as there was a question mark over something that had shown up in it and they wanted to check again for a UTI and he was discharged with oral antibiotics just as a precaution, although I have had no phone call from the hospital which should mean that was negative too.

This was one of the worst experiences of my life, but I should finish this post on a thankful note.  I brought home from hospital a healthy baby who will have no memory of this experience.  I cannot even begin to imagine what it must be like for parents of children who spend time in and out of hospital on a regular basis or for the child themselves and then of course there are those parents who go in with a child so poorly that they do not get to bring them home and just thinking about that makes my heart absolutely break for them.  I am in awe of the bravery of those people.

Nobody ever wants to be in hospital, but I am also extremely thankful for the wonderful care we received at The Children's.  A was treated for pneumonia in a different hospital when she was one and it was a really horrible experience, sadly I just didn't trust them.  The care that we received at The Children's just couldn't have been more different.  I say we because, although it was Teeny who was poorly, they took wonderful care of me too.  As I mentioned earlier they acted extremely quickly in ED.  On top of that PAU is a fabulous brand new ward with private rooms and lovely calm lighting so even if they are rushed off their feet it doesn't feel like that.  The continuity of care was great; at the beginning of every shift the children are allocated a specific nurse and for that whole shift only that nurse took Teeny's obs or administered his antibiotics.  Oh and despite it being a bank holiday weekend the Consultant Paediatrician (and Clinical Director) whose care Teeny was under was on the ward everyday we were there.  As far as caring for me was concerned they were always offering me tea and coffee and topping up my jug of squash and as I am breastfeeding they always made sure that I had eaten too, even to the extent that at one point a nurse actually physically made me a sarnie...bless her!  They also provided tissues and a shoulder for the tears and when Teeny was really unsettled they would pop their head around the door for nothing other than just to check if either of us needed anything or if I needed a break.  I doubt that anybody we encountered in that hospital would ever read this, but if you do manage to stumble across this blog post please know that I am eternally grateful to you.

Finally to my wonderful husband for being the other half of me and completing me.  Thank you for the numerous trips you made to the hospital; for running errands; for keeping things ticking over at home and for taking such wonderful care of A&D.  As I say to the kids "I love you to the moon and back."

BABYWEARING NEWBIE

One of the things I had always wanted to do when I had a baby was to babywear so when I found out I was carrying twins first time around I was quite gutted about having to abandon the idea.  I am sure seasoned babywearers will tell me it is possible, but at the time I didn't have a clue where to start and I just wouldn't have been confident enough.

This time around I knew from the outset that it was something that I really wanted to do.  My go to on this subject has therefore been this post of Beth's and the Natural Mamas Forum.  Natural Mamas is a fabulous resource for babywearing and all things attachment parenting so I got some really useful information from some in the know mamas.  I also found out that there are a couple of local sling meets so am hoping to get along to one soon, although I feel like a bit of a fraud as I really am a babywearing virgin.

For those of you in the know you will see that we have started with a stretchy, specifically a Moby in our case, which I bought pre-loved from a mama at Natural Mamas and I plan to move on to a woven when Teeny is bigger and I feel a bit more accomplished in the babywearing stakes. 

Whilst I am very new to babywearing I do have to say that I absolutely love wearing Teeny and it feels very natural to me.  I am trying to do it whenever I can so that I become more confident about it, not to mention that it makes walking with two three year olds or just popping into the shop for something much easier than having to think about a pushchair. 

My husband made all of the right noises about babywearing whilst I was pregnant, although I have to say I wasn't all that convinced that he would give it a go once Teeny arrived.  I must now hold my hands up and say that I was very wrong.  No sooner had I worn Teeny on his first babywearing adventure to have him registered than my husband that very same afternoon insisted on wearing Teeny for his very first trip around Ikea!

I really hope that our love for babywearing continues and that this is just the start of the journey.  My only real concern at this stage is that the purchasing of babywearing paraphernalia could, like the purchasing of cloth nappy paraphernalia, become quite addictive if I allow it to so I imagine that I will have to exercise some willpower and reign myself in at times!

TEENY IS ALL OFFICIAL

So today we went to register Teeny while A&D were at preschool and he is now all official.

We had to make an appointment to register Teeny (which we didn't need to do with A&D) and this meant that we were in and out pretty quickly and had an hour or so to kill before having to head back to pick up A&D from pre-school.  Being the party animals that we are we decided to go for hot chocolate and a cake at Carluccio's (purely because it was the nearest place we could think of) which was lovely as we don't get an hour out on our own very often (ok so I know we weren't strictly on our own, but Teeny slept so it felt like we were).  However what was even more lovely was that because we had mentioned that we had been to register Teeny the waitress brought us over a couple of raspberry tarts in a bag to take home with us ON THE HOUSE!  I may seem overly excited by this, but I rarely win anything or get bargains or anything for free so I was overly enthusiastic about this.

On the subject of making children official I thought it would be fitting to post a picture of A&D on the day they became official (18.12.2008)

BROTHERLY LOVE

D is going to be the best big brother ever.  

From the moment he found out I was pregnant he always wanted Teeny to be a boy so he was beside himself when he arrived.  As soon as Nanny Dot brought him home to meet his baby brother a couple of hours after he was born he went upstairs and brought down Teddy Weddy (I have no idea how he acquired that name) for his brother and that bear has been sat at the top of Teeny's cot ever since.

MINI MOMMY

A absolutely adores her new baby brother and will take every opportunity she can to kiss and cuddle him, sometimes a little too enthusiastically.  However she is less than impressed when she is trying to concentrate on something like a book or a jigsaw and he starts to cry; it is at this point that she promptly tells me "Mommy, he needs booby."  Even at almost three and a half years old it seems that she knows how magic that stuff is.

TEENY'S FIRST BATH

Here is my little squidge during and after his first proper bath at 1 week old .  Yum yum! 

Posting these pictures of Teeny prompted me to go away and find photographs of A&D's first bath only to realise that I don't have the first bath as they had them in hospital,

I did, however, find these pictures of them post bath on Christmas Day 2008, age 3 weeks; A is to the left and D is to the right.

HERO WORSHIP

TEENY AS YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE AT 39+4

Brand spanking new!

Just a quick post to say that Teeny was born at home in water on Sunday 29 April 2012 at 13.52 weighing 7lb 6oz. 

He is absolutely delicious and I want him to stay squidgy forever.

TEENY'S BUMP SHOOT AT 37+0

My sister in law not only has a knack for making and raising beautiful children, but also for taking beautiful photographs and, being the lovely person that she is, she spent the day with us a few weeks ago taking some photographs of A, D and Teeny.  Oh and of course of me!

I had already seen a few of them, but today she gave me a disc of her favourites and I am absolutely blown away by the end result so I just HAD to share a few.

Looking at these photographs now and seeing how lovely they are (I don't often say that about photographs of myself) I can't believe  that I almost didn't have them taken.  Yes, believe it or not in typical pregnant and PCOS woman style I was feeling so hormonal and horrible the night before I actually almost cancelled and was then gently persuaded otherwise.

So Karen thank you so much for being so patient with me and for making such wonderful memories for us all to cherish not only of my pregnancy, but also of A & D's love for me because they have been such hard work lately that sometimes I forget!

CHILDREN ARE WONDERFUL JUDGES OF CHARACTER

Today, we (the children and I) went to invited ourselves to my in laws to have lunch and whilst there my lovely nephew dropped my father in law back after playing golf with him. 

Despite Will being 22 A&D have always loved him and D absolutely worships the ground he walks on which I am more than happy about; he is a wonderful example of how I would like my son to grow up.  I think that part of D's hero worship stems from the fact that he seems to be constantly surrounded by girls or women; the majority of A&D's little friends seem to be girls and my husband and I have seven sisters between us so whenever there are men or boys present he gravitates towards them.  

A&D haven't seen as much of Will recently as they normally would have because he has moved into his own place and has been working very hard, but boy did they make up for today and to their (and my) sheer delight he was more than happy to oblige.  He is genuinely good with them and happy to spend time with them.  It is never forced or put on and he has the patience of a saint when it comes to my children.  I think I was sat there with a permanent smile on my face the whole time.  (Apart from when I was cursing myself for not having a camera with me, however I did subsequently manage to find these pictures of hero worship that my sister in law took in September 2010). 

In those moments, as I watched them play today, I felt so blessed that despite the 19 year age gap they will always love him and he them and I have no doubt that he will always look out for them.

Will, thank you for being the wonderful man that you are and for always finding time for us and to my beautiful sister in law thank you for raising children with such beautiful morals and values. 

Love you all.

TEENY AT 36+3 READY TO PARTY WITH THEIR BROTHER AND SISTER

We were going to the 60th birthday party of the father of a friend of mine here.  A&D rarely get to go to "grown up parties" because they are used to being in bed and asleep by 7.30 and so just get too tired, but I had really wanted to celebrate Andrew's birthday with him and we didn't have a babysitter so I relented given that we would be taking the car and I wouldn't be drinking anyway.

I am really proud to report that A&D behaved beautifully and had a ball.  You couldn't get A off the dance floor and she was very pleased to be the only one there so you can imagine her disgust when we came back from the bathroom to find it full and she was having to lurk at the edge.  To say that she was put out was an understatement!

BABY GIRL LOVES HER DADDY TOO

I love to watch my husband with our children; the love that they have for each other makes my heart melt.

MY BEAUTIFUL BOYS

Seriously, how did I get so damn lucky?  I am truly blessed.

(A LITTLE BIT NAKEY) TEENY AT 34+5

Apologies for the exposure of flesh, but I do love my bump and it won't be here for much longer.

Oh and as an aside my little lady looks so grown up.  Where has my baby girl gone?  Time is just going too quickly.

FEELING DESPONDENT

I will post properly when I can see through the tears, but basically after fairly smooth sailing regarding my request for a home birth we seem to have hit a bit of a brick wall due to staffing shortages at the local midwife led unit which means they get the on call midwives and I am expected to go there if there isn't a midwife for me. 

I can't just sit on my hands and wait and hope for the best once the time arrives because that isn't good for my stress levels so it seems that my only option is to fight which is really not what I should have to do at all and is definitely not what I need or want to be doing with six weeks to go!

TEENY AT 31+3

So here is Teeny at 31+3 (with much needed haircut at long last). 

Seriously though where is the time going?  It is funny how different a second pregnancy is to a first.  As excited as I am and as much as I love being pregnant there is definitely no time to romanticise about it like you can the first time round.  Two pre-schoolers just do not allow for that.  Although they more than make up for it with their heart melting requests to kiss the baby or cuddle it and their little tales of what they are going to show or teach the baby when it comes. 

Long may the love continue.